Hi boy. I'm late with your letter. Gabriel is ill. I'm trying to get him well. I've decided that instead of writing an annual love letter to you that writing a letter to you whenever I need to is a better idea.
I think the reason its so hard with Gabriel now is because it was so hard with you. So I have something to compare. Fuck. But the thing is, I would do it all over again if I had the chance. You know, go through the goodbye just to have the precious joy of knowing such a regal, intelligent creature. Your name is Maui Onion, and I love you after all these years.
your devoted human,
Happy Birthday, nuzzlebutt!
Don't worry, you're still the one.
I'm smiling again, finally.. recalling the way we used to walk to the mailbox together every day, you dangling from my arm, just bouncing along for the ride. I was so proud of you - you were such a stud, and I was hot...We made a good girl and her cat, didn't we, little buddy?
I'm thinking about how you would always wait while I opened the mail box, then as soon as I had the mail in hand you'd blast off like a rocket across the lawn and up the tree just to impress me. Oh Maui!
Remember when I had that root canal done and that stupid. creepy dentist wouldn't give me pain meds and you laid in bed with me for days until I finally decided to break down and go buy tylenol from CVS...and you walked outside with me and watched me drive off? I can still see you sitting on the curb waiting for me to arrive back home. Just waiting. Like a dog. You were so much more than a cat - little Maui, you were an ERA, a time and place, a series of remarkable events spanning 10 years.
Shit, I'm getting older Maui. And I'm not hot anymore, I'm "Mature"... I have a 14 year old cat who's hotter than I am. But hey, I'm told that I'll get a new body in heaven. Or maybe God is going to put me in a big, stocky body as, you know - as a little practical joke, I don't know. But whatever, as long as you're there with Jesus, I'm good.
I wonder what the world thinks of these crazy letters to my dead cat, Maui, and I wonder if you're even getting these letters. It's okay if you're not reading them...you're a busy boy up there, over there, in there - you know, in heaven. I think a lot about what you've been doing the past 7 years, and I guess I do have one question to ask...when you try spraying God does it come out as glitter and song? Just wondering.
Well, I need to go. Gabriel is crying for attention. His meows are up to 3 syllables now, and constant. It's actually Very annoying. And he sounds a lot like you lately. Sometimes I think all cats are part of one great big giant cat entity, like pieces of a puzzle that God made; it's thoughts like this that help me to express that this is the only possible way I can really love any cat as much as I loved you, because I wouldn't dare love another cat the way I loved you.
I gotta go little nuzzlebut, life is calling, but I'm about to publish this letter. With all sincerity, I pray that God will transcribe this to you. I miss you.
See you later, sweetheart.
care of gap at 6:47 PM
I'm not in the mood this year. Remember how you used to spray me when you felt like it, just because you could? I feel like spraying.
I love you and miss you.
I'll say it again. I love you and miss you. You will always be "the one". It's always going to be you, the one I loved the most.
I really miss you. I really love you.
care of gap at 2:37 PM
Oh Maui, I almost forgot that April 30th is the day I said goodbye to you. I almost missed the chance to honor your memory.
But whatever. I know you can't hear me. It's not like you could read when you were alive.
Yet I feel compelled not only to wish you well, but to do so several days in advance because I'm so busy that I barely remembered that it's That Time Of The Year again.
I have to go. Gabriel just flung chunks of litter embedded with fecal matter across the carpet again and I have to run the vacuum for the 3rd time today. And I found a 5 inch long hairball dripping with mucous displayed in all its glory on my favorite blankie.
I think about you almost every day.
"Almost". Thankfully you cannot retaliate with one of your jealous territorial urine sprees. Actually, I wish you could. I would love to be inconvenienced by your bad behavior one more time. You redefined naughty with a charm that permanently carved out a place in my heart for enternity.
I am blessed by the memories of our time on earth, and I miss you, nuzzleface. Happy birthday, sweetheart.
PS, I may feel compelled to edit this post on April 30th just to be sure you get the message.
I love you.
care of gap at 9:43 PM
april 30 2011
care of gap at 9:00 AM