May 28, 2017

Dear Gabriel

My dearest Gabriel,

Thank you for 7 years of bliss. Where Maui acted as my companion and muse, you were my buoy. You gave me more than I can possibly thank you for. Caring for you was a great honor and it completely changed my life. Wow, do I love you. My heart will always carry you around with me wherever I go until we meet again. This time, death lost the chance to rob me of the joy of remembering. Thank you, Lord, and thank you, Gabriel.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

May 1, 2017

Dear Maui ...

I miss you. Sorry I missed your birthday last year, but I haven't forgotten you, it's just that getting over you broke me. I didn't forget your birthday this year either, it's just that I'm still broken. Little Man, I am freaking tired inside.

My heart is broken, again. This time it's Gabriel. He died a block from where you and I lived. Isn't that something? I won't linger on the subject because I know you hate other cats.

I just found a 20 year old photo of me dangling you like a garment.

There's another Maui now. Maui Thon Cormac. His name was Cormac when I brought him home from the shelter, and the Thon part is because he never stops running around, he's a distance marathoner. So, anyway, I named a foster cat after you and I have a photo of him nuzzling our photo. Look, Little Man, I can't feel anymore but I'll never forget you. I have our photo next to Gabriel's photo. One day I'll see you again and we can carry on. Just be warned, you have three brothers, Zeener, Harry, Gabriel, and now Maui and who knows who else...I can honestly say I want Maui to be the last cat...but that's another post. I know you hate other cats but, really, what am I supposed to do about that?

Maui, I don't know what's going on. I have a concerning spot on my lung. And I'm not in the mood to care too much, I don't have it in me to fight, in case. Anyway, I want you to see Maui nuzzling our photo.

I know you can take it because, presumably, when you entered heaven your jealous side resolved.

I love you, nuzzlebutt, I will never forget you and I often think about the best times we had, like the time you protected me from that weird looking lizard by sleeping on me all night, or the time you waited on the curb for me when I drove off in pain to get some Tylenol. Or the times I dangled you to the mailbox and back. Or the times we carried on long conversations in the middle of the night outside, you over the fence, talking back to me in funny almost human syllables. I will never forget you, only get numb. I love you, nuzzlebutt, you can count on that. I hope I see you very soon.

with eternal love,
your loving human

PS, I drive my motorcycle around the street where we used to live and look fondly at the house we shared. We had some great times, cat of my youth, and how I do miss you, Maui. All my love to you, sweet boy.

PSS, I feel like writing more to you. I need someone impartial who loves me. And everyone knows a dead cat listens well nor judges harshly.

my love.

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